Kramer is in the bathroom trimming his toenails. (Somehow)

Kramer: So big toenail, we meet again. This ship isn’t big enough for the two of us. I challenge you to a duel! My weapon of choice: the nail scissors. Your weapon of choice: nothing.

He snips.

Kramer: I win! To the victor goes the spoils! The powerful Kramer lives to fight another day!

TT is talking to Heather by the door.

TT: He does this every week.

Kramer: So, second toenail, we meet again! …


INTRO CREDITS – MAGICIAN


Jostein, Luke, and TT are in the lounge.

TT: Well, I’ve given up my stuntman career.
Luke: WHAT?!! BUT.. BUT… BUT!
Jostein: Heh, you said “butt”
Luke: Shut up Jostein. [to TT:] Why!
TT: Well, out in the depths of space, there isn’t generally a need for a stuntman. Shape-shifting beings are far more in demand, really.
Jostein: As the ship’s ..
Luke: Lazy sod.
Jostein: … first mate, LUKE, I feel that I ought to mention that our only income is from Threatener’s stuntman career.
Luke: No wonder we’ve been eating scraps out of the bins recently.
TT: A feast is a feast.
Jostein: Anyway, I command you to go and get another job.
TT: Why must it be me who gets the job?
Jostein: You have a wife to provide for.
TT: That’s not my wife.
Dog: No, I’m not Jostein’s dog. Ruff. Backup made here.
Luke: Yay! You said it!
Dog: Said what?
Luke: Said “backup made here”!!
Dog: Haha, I made you say it too.
Luke: I hate you.

“LATER ON THAT WEEK”

Baz and Jostein in the lounge

Baz: How can you prove that those carrots in the basement aren’t going to kill me??
Jostein: Well. Carrots are inanimate objects. They are unable to move, and they have no brain to co-ordinate an attack with. They have no arms, and so they can’t wield a weapon.
Also we don’t have a basement.

TT walks in. Magician hat, wand, and flower.

TT: Hey Baz, smell my flower!
Baz: I’m not smelling your anything.
TT: But I’m a magician! You have to do everything I say!
Jostein: That would have to be a hypnotist, Threatener.
TT: Oh. Uhm, I’ll be right back.

Heather (OS): Is that a water reservoir for your squirty flower in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

“LATER STILL”

Baz and Jostein in the lounge.

Baz: How long has Threatener been sock for now?
Jostein: About a year or two.
Baz: I need the toilet.

TT walks back in.

TT: Well, I’ve got my degree in hypnotherapy, and now to abuse it on stage.
Jostein: You know, most hypnotist shows are just rigged.
TT: Oh.

“ONE MARKETING CAMPAIGN LATER”

Ext. a theatre somewhere.

Int. Theatre.

TT: Thank you ladies and gentlemen. And not to use an old joke too much, the other people that don’t fit those two categories.
Luke (os): Like Bazzu!
TT: [blinks] For my first act, I need a volunteer. And since this is a particularly dangerous feat, I’m going to pick Baz.

Baz walks onto the stage.

TT: Now, my hypnotherapy taught me how to do the weird eyes myself, so I don’t need any special effects.

TT hypnotises Bazzu.

Bazzu: That felt very sixties like.
TT: Bazzu, you are completely under my control. Now, I want you to jump off this stage and try to land on your head.
Bazzu: Okay.

He does, and it hurts him.

Baz: Ow.
Luke: You'll be just SPINE.
Luke: It's funny because your spine is fractured.

TT: oh. Uhm, let’s just do magic tricks instead.
The audience applauds.

TT: And for my first trick, observe this orange.
The orange suddenly eats him.
Heather: Well, that was random.
Luke: There is an orange here.